I've been meaning to write a post about my neck for a while but I feel like there is really nothing new or good to report, and it's really hard for me to share my thoughts on where I am with all of this.
In May we were in Spain so I stopped seeing the chiropractor that I had been going to and my neck automatically reverted right back to where it was, if not worse. The chiropractor had really helped my neck pain but I still felt a lot of pain in my clavicle and he thought that maybe my clavicle was a completely different problem altogether from my neck and that perhaps I should get an x-ray to see if there was anything weird going on with it.
By the time we returned from our trip to Spain I wasn't even sleeping at night any more from the pain so in June I went to see a different neurologist who didn't tell me anything new.....didn't really tell me anything at all actually, although she did tell me that she COULD give me a prescription for epilepsy medication to help me sleep at night, but wouldn't. I requested an x-ray and while she said it wouldn't help to show anything, she sent me for one anyways because I'm the one paying for it so it made no difference to her (it cost $4, by the way).
Of course, the x-ray showed nothing but she highly recommended that we go see a rehabilitation specialist on the complete opposite side of the city. Thankfully the rehabilitation specialist did free consultations so we went. He was the first person who ever put me through a whole entire range of motion focusing on my clavicle, suggesting that perhaps I injured it the very first time any of this ever happened (in 2011) and because I never sought medical attention at that point, it caused all of these other problems, like the herniated disc. However in the end, he recommended doing all of the same things I've already done and haven't worked - massage, kinesio tape, neck traction and stretching but he wanted to charge an arm and a leg for it and was a really far drive away from home.
So instead of seeing him, I took all the new information and Marina with me back to the chiropractor. He also didn't really have anything new to say but he's the only one who has ever provided even a smidgen of relief, so that's why I went back. He gave me a list of eight different medications, vitamins and topical rubs so Marina and I headed to the pharmacy and purchased them all. One of them he said that you can't just get, they don't give it out to anyone unless you know someone and apparently if we took a note from him to this specific pharmacy, they would give me "the stuff" because they know him. So like usual, I took all of the medications home and researched them all before I took them just to make sure something terrible wouldn't happen and it turns out that the "secret" medicine is the eastern European version of Valium. The other ones were all very normal things - vitamin B, magnesium and potassium, NSAIDS but Valium? Really?
I also tried some kind of electrode therapy which was my most interesting experience so far in Ukraine - and I've had a LOT of interesting experiences. It was a device that was probably from the Soviet era, most likely the predecessor of the modern day TENS (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) machine but it was basically two cattle prods that she zapped me with all over my back, clavicle and shoulders. I was incredibly uncomfortable - physically from the awkward stool I was on and mentally because she was only wearing a bra and a skirt, ha ha....but nearing the end of the appointment she put these two prods directly on the nerve area that I have always believed to be the main problem. The machine stimulates your nerves which causes your muscles to contract and my right (healthy) arm was in so much pain contracting from the prod while my left (problem) arm I could only feel the spot where she was zapping the nerve and the very tip of my thumb tingling! I knew that my muscles were contracting because my arm moved but there was no sensation at all. So that was one very interesting outcome of that otherwise useless appointment.
I said in February that I would try ANYTHING. Now I feel I'm to the point where everything is useless and I'm feeling quite cynical about it all. We're still praying for healing, I definitely have good weeks and bad weeks but I never know how long either will last.
Something you can pray for - obviously healing would be fantastic and the ultimate goal, but prayer for JOY in this current circumstance is something that I would appreciate. In 2 Corinthians Paul had a thorn in his side that he pleaded three times for God to take away and God said to him "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Paul goes on to say that he will boast gladly about his weakness and I wonder how exactly to do that. I feel, for myself that I like to just get things done and I don't need help from anyone with anything and I don't want people to think that I'm a complainer! It's also very frustrating not being able to do things! If I'm using Paul as an example, what does it look like to boast in weakness? How can I use my pain to glorify Christ? How does me not being able to participate in things like volleyball on the beach show Christ to teenagers? And I've come up with JOY. If I can bear my pain with JOY, continue to do what I CAN do, and trust Him no matter what happens or no matter how I feel, then maybe that's what Paul was talking about, and hopefully Christ will be glorified through me in that.
So I'll stop there because this has gotten way longer than I ever intended, but I feel like I've been avoiding talking about it for a while and I felt it was time to share truthfully where I'm at with all of this.
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